My Diabetic Mom
Author: VaNa De-va
Date: 15th March 2022
Keywords: #right-speech, #parent, #take-care, #diabetic
Length: 997 words
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Hey, everybody, welcome to my 5-minutes Dhamma Talk Channel. Today, I receive a question from Gig, one of my Channel’s viewers. She
wants to ask the monk about how she should behave herself towards
the situation with her own mother. Let’s listen to her question.
My sister and I have been taking care of my mom who is diabetic. She
has been restricted for high sugar sweets to keep her fasting blood
sugar rate normal. But often, we saw her having candies and chocolate
bars especially during afternoon. We reminded her of the doctor’s
instructions. Often, she was annoyed by our reminders; sometimes
accused us of intruding into her privacy. And this sort of conversation is
taking place from time to time. From the Buddhist’s view, causing one’s
parent to be upset is a sin. So we are worried about what is going on? What would you suggest us about this issue?
So, now, let’s see what the venerable monk is going to say.
Venerable MahaNapan Santipatto said:
Firstly, reminding people out of a good heart is a good act. The diabetic
like other kinds of patients need to be self-disciplined in keeping the
doctor’s health instructions. It is definitely beneficial to have someone
in the family help caring for the patient of medicine time and
encouraging her to eat a balanced diet. The regularity is the key factor
of any medical treatment. Generally, family members especially the
children who take care of the aged parents can also create a heartwarming atmosphere. The parents feel less lonely and less worry about
their own health.
In Buddhism, it suggests a set of 7-qualities of being good friend called
Kalya-na-mittra-dhamma. But only 2 qualities are related to what I am
talking about. To perform a duty of good friend to your mother: 1. Being
able to talk in a way that gives productive result; in this case, you should
first understand what kind of person your mother is; then thoughtfully
pick up the way to talk to her that she will be co-operative. 2. Being able
to endure unkind and fault criticism; in this case, you might have to show
your mother of your loving-kindness and that you want to see her being
healthy and long-lived. At the same time, do not take her criticism
seriously; sometimes she might just want to have pleasure by starting an
argument with someone.
Secondly, checking the state of your mind whether it was dominated by
anger or impatience when you were reminding her of what she should
or should not do. If you found that you had talked harsh words with hard
voice to your mother out of annoyance; it means you have conducted
wrong-speech which incurred sin. Learn to control your emotion by
developing loving-kindness; meditating to help strengthening
mindfulness to cool and combat the heat before it reaches the verge of
anger which potentially gets out of hand, and meditation will enhance
your wisdom to cope with the situation on hand. Sometimes, prohibition
may not be the effective way; find an alternative solution such as
rewarding. Offering to bring her to her favorite place if she can reduce
the amount of sweets consumption; encouraging her to do some
exercise would also help.
Hope you find my advices above are helpful.
The answer from another venerable monk named Paisarn Visalo is as
followed:
Whatsoever snapping at the parents or at any person is a sin because
it was done out of anger. The mental state of the moment was clouded
and unwholesome. However, it is not a grave sin or a-nan-ta-ri-ya-kamma because the intention of reminding your mother of the doctor’s
instruction is good. To lessen the degree of sin is to tell her that you
were sorry of what you have done and will try not do it again. At the
same time, make sure not to let yourself keep reflecting on the
unwholesome act because it is equal as the unwholesome mental deed
repeatedly done.
There are numbers of people in the real world feeling angry of their own
parents openly and secretly. In these cases, they are double suffering:
one, they are suffered by the fire of anger; two, by the thought of guilty. Ethically, people know that they should love and respect their parents. Being in the circumstance that they cannot love and respect them is an
agony.
By gone be bygone, because no one can have a time-machine travel
back to correct wrong words and bad conducts in the past. Learn from
them and move on with more wisdom and being a wiser person.
Often, people forget the fact that humans are born with ignorance. We
are all learners about life lessen; so we make many mistakes along the
way. Our parents are no exception, so are we. From children’s
perspective, parents should know and do things right. But that is not
always the case. Humans judge and act based on their knowledge and
view. Parents might misunderstand, have different opinions and treat
the children in the way that the children feel unfair or unhappy but it
does not mean parents have ill intention in doing so.
To be more specific, some parents interpret justice as appropriate. By
the time of inheriting their wealth to the children, they give more to the
one they see is struggling. It can cause the other child feel unfairly
prejudiced because in his sense, justice means equal. So he sees
himself being disliked which is not necessary true.
It is suggested that who is in this situation, find a quiet place and sit
meditatively, breathe in and out gently a few times, reflect on the
circumstance in multi-dimensions and look deep into the parents’ heart
to see the motivation of their action. More or less, you will find some
beauty in there that can beautify your heart.
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